"I've Got the You Don't Know The Half of It Dearie' Blues"
I'm nearly 12 days out from my T-DM1 cocktail. If I give myself a checklist report on how i'm physically feeling with smiley faces, I continue to be "neutral" or emoticon "meh". I continue to have twinges of nausea, headaches, constipation and tiredness. Perhaps I've been getting better at being proactive for the symptoms...if I try a food and the tummy "glurps" I stop. If I have a small sip of wine and my head starts pounding, I stop. My medicine chest is a testament to the wonders of laxatives. I have more selection than most pharmacies and I'm proactive about rest and sleep and naps. The wonder of naps!
My psychological self is emoticon "drained". My husband Mark has been ill for so long, so very very long. He had a stroke on Thanksgiving day in 1999, had subsequent secondary effects from stroke, got Lyme Disease, developed spine issues, muscle issues, drop foot, cognitive issues, had kidney stones, and within the past three months: kidney issues reappeared and making its first appearance: Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever that landed him twice in the ER and 3 1/2 days in the hospital. And when you think the fun is going to stop, Thursday just before midnight...another emergency trip to the ER for pain...a kidney stone!
The last four months while I've been dealt this health setback and have had non-stop medical appointments, surgery and now am in full blown chemo treatment, Mark has been having his own host of illnesses. It's wearing thin. I have been saying the irony has not escaped me that I'm the healthy one of the two of us, but the sad reality is I'm not healthy. I'm sick with cancer, a bad one. I have a year of treatment ahead with daily radiation in 12 weeks. To say I’ve had my fill of hospitals is an understatement. I hate going to them for ME and I really hate double-downing with Mark!
I guess this is my “wambulance” waa waa waa. Poor me. But I don’t really feel that way. I’m fine, I’m managing - we’re managing. Some days, some weeks and the last few months have been challenges but I wake up each day and hope Mark will have a good day. Will he be able to sit up instead of lying on the couch, or be able to shower and shave and get dressed and go out for coffee with his buddies, and might he be able to work on a small project or two? Every day is different. If it’s a bad day for him...well, I have my part time jobs to go to and I can escape for a while.
Today started out rough for Mark so I had a lovely long grocery shopping adventure and a trash run at the transfer station that took me most of the afternoon. When I returned Mark was feeling better. Our dear friends called and asked us for soup and salad then we attended a wonderful concert at our church.
I guess sometimes you just gotta sing the Blues!
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