I've appreciated all the wonderful comments about my new pixie cut. It seemed a bit impulsive to go the way of Joan of Arc in shortness but I'm glad I did so that the shock of maybe having no hair won't be so shocking.
While I have a fairly up beat attitude overall, it's not to say I don't start slipping into the rabbit hole...wondering...what's this journey really going to be like.
A dear friend of mine Penna once said "Keep your low beams on". It's a great metaphor for this particular journey.
When my high beams are on (and no bulb burned out, skewing the light) I begin to see too far ahead.. and the sinking feeling starts to descend on me. The stages: 1. cut, 2: poison and 3. burn and a kicker of more poison lasting until November of 2017! I don't even have a 2017 calendar yet!
When I keep my low-beams on, I see just enough, I drive slowly, I don't get as overwhelmed, I take one step at a time, slow and steady. Stage #1. Cut...completed! #2. Tue. 10/18 be at DFCI for first appointment @ 8:10 a.m. treatment to start around 10:00 a.m. No additional information given by the hospital or needed by me. It's just another small step...low beams baby!
I know the date is coming up fast, the calls from the DFCI keep coming, "You need additional blood work before the 18th." So I go and get it done. A follow up from the DFCI nurse "what time did you have your labs taken...I'll follow up." So that's off my plate.
What I find is that there's still a LOT on my plate...committees that I haven't totally extricated myself from. Church committees, micro loan initiatives for my church, etc. I also find I'm in a race to get my granddaughter's birthday present to her weeks before her birthday. I'm never that organized. Things like getting a car inspected become fixations for me. While I know that others could help...it is one small bit of choice I have and it makes me feel good to write down a to-do list of ordinary things and accomplish them. All too much is out of my control and will continue to be as my life has changed.
I have been reading books that friends think will help, I've started with a nutritionist that another friend believes will help me immensely, I have made lists of friends who will help at a moment's notice and above all, I've taken to heart the stories of other women, and husbands of women who have had breast cancer and are survivors. But not a cheering squad, a realistic view of the fears and joys and worries that they have had. These stories sustain me. The first hand view of what to expect is priceless since I know we will all share a common thread no matter what type of cancer we have or had.
So thank you dear friends and family... I'm driving slowly and with my low beams on for the next year...I'll change bulbs as necessary.
Beep-Beep!
Beep-Beep!
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